You hop in your car and head down to the local exercise equipment emporium for a look-see.  As you walk in, the skinny woman behind the counter smiles up at you.  She lets you wander through the vast selection of automated torture devices for about 14 seconds before magically appearing behind you in that annoying silent way that only skinny treadmill salespeople can do.

“Are you looking for a treadmill?” she asks, seemingly oblivious to the fact that you’re both standing in the middle of a 6 by 6 array of treadmills.

“I’m not sure,” you reply.  You’ve seen some of the prices and you were just about to bolt for the door when she showed up.  She knew this, of course.

“We have financing available, so don’t worry too much about the price.  A treadmill is much cheaper than a gym membership, and you’ll have it forever.  I have one myself and use it every day.  I used to be 300 pounds, so I know they work.”

“Uh . . .  Wow,” you stammer, “that’s a bit more than what I weigh.”  You actually have no idea what you weigh because you gave up scales for Lent.

She grins, knowing she’s about four sentences away from arranging delivery.

Of course, this story is totally contrived — even though it happens all the time.  Treadmill salespeople are good at their jobs.  How do I know?  Look up “used treadmill” on any classified ad site.  Oh, and I have a treadmill.

So anyway, let’s say the girl at the treadmill store only managed to sell you a $2000 treadmill.  These things go from about $400 to $8000 where I live (Ontario, Canada), but an informal survey by Me Research (don’t look it up) has shown that you can get a pretty decent one for about two grand — new.

How many times are you really going to use your new treadmill?  This depends on just how serious you are.  Are you really serious about losing weight by walking, jogging, or running?  Really?  I don’t believe you.  Here’s what you should do: Get in your car and drive into the country.  Park your car.  Walk around the block.  Any 2-mile or so country block should do the trick.  Do it again tomorrow.  Do it for two weeks.  If it’s winter, go to the mall and walk up and down the mall at a reasonable pace for half an hour.  If you’re still serious after this and you didn’t skip more than a day or two, then go for the treadmill.

OK wait.  Read the rest of this before you rush out and drop two G’s.

When you get this treadmill home, you’re going to want to put it somewhere where it won’t get in the way.  This would mean the basement or the garage or the laundry room.  Don’t even think about it.  This sucker goes in the same room as your couch and your TV. You were serious, remember?  I’ll leave it up to you to figure out how to convince your significant other of this, but I’m guessing that they could probably stand to use it too.  What better way is there to make sure that you’re going to remember to exercise than having the treadmill right in front of you in the room where you’re committing most of your dietary and health sins?

OK.  Your treadmill’s set up and you’re ready to go.  Well, almost. You’re going to want music with that, right?  Or maybe you’d prefer to watch TV while you’re treading?  I would suggest music, specifically the kind of music that makes you want to get up and move.

Load up the iPod, crack out the dance tunes, and get walking.  Yeah, walking.  Don’t run until you’ve been walking for quite some time. Use the treadmill every day for half an hour, and try to figure out how fast you can go and for how long.  Start off with either no incline or very little.  Try to make it through the whole half hour.  Start at regular walking speed, then increase speed a little bit after each 10 minutes is up.  Write down how fast you went and for how long every day.  If your treadmill shows calories burned, write those down too.

After a couple or three weeks of this, you should be ready to kill yourself.  The scenery isn’t very exciting on the treadmill, and you quickly discover how boring your music selection is. Maybe try the TV?  Any way you slice it, though, it’s work.  And you’ve got a long way to go.  This is about where many people wimp out and move the treadmill to the basement.  Treadmills know this, and they magically get heavier so that you’ll think twice.

If you aren’t a total wuss and you manage to stick to your treadmill workout for a full month, experts tell me that it can become a habit.  Or even addictive.  Just keep telling yourself this and it might just happen.

By month 2 you should be starting to see some changes.  You will become more hungry and you will be showering more.  If you’re really lucky you might have lost some weight, but it’s quite likely that you instead gained muscle, totally negating any benefit that might be measurable by the scale in your bathroom.  Don’t be discouraged. That pesky muscle can only get so big.  Besides, I’m sure you’ve noticed by now that you actually feel good after a workout.  You have, right?  Studies say you do.  Something to do with endorphins — really!

After a few months, you will start to notice improvements in your stamina and (assuming you’re not gorging on potato chips and soft drinks after your workouts) you’ll also notice that you are losing weight.  You will wonder why you’re not losing 9 pounds a week like the people on The Biggest Loser.  Here’s why: You’re not on TV.  Real people should lose a pound or two a week if they’re doing it right. You can lose more, but there are certain elements of nutrition which will be sacrificed if you go too fast.  Remember, 3500 calories is one pound.  You have to burn 3500 calories more than you eat in order to lose one pound.  If you really want to work hard and lose weight fast, please see your doctor.

Treadmills are terrific, but sometimes you just need to do something different.  Walking outside or bicycling are good alternative workouts to break up the monotony. Careful though, cycling uses a couple of your leg muscles a bit more than walking, so you’re gonna be sore if you overdo it.  Which muscles?  I’d hate to spoil it for you. The bike ride’s worth the pain.

A good treadmill will last a long time.  I have had mine for several years.  The belts (the thing you walk on) are durable and the motors are tough.  Remember to lubricate the belt (there’s a kit) and your treadmill should give you years of enjoyment before needing any serious work.  Keep an eye on belt alignment and also check any drive belts for wear.  (probably under the motor housing cover)

Now, imagine if you had gone ahead and bought a treadmill before you were serious.  Just for fun, let’s say you spent $2000.  You used it 4 times the first week, 3 times the next week, then once or twice a week for a couple of months, then you used it daily to hang laundry on.  Total workouts: about 20.  Total cost per workout: $100.  Ouch.  Oh, I forgot: the workouts hurt too. Double ouch.

Oh wait, you say, I’m not that lazy!  OK, say I.  Instead, let’s assume you use your treadmill twice a week for a year.  Total workouts: 100 (You went on vacation, didn’t you.)  Total cost per workout: $20.  Ow.

You see where this is going, right?  You have to use this thing for YEARS to make it worthwhile.  If you’re not prepared to do that, I’d stick to going for a walk outside.  But if you’re serious — really serious — about getting in shape and staying in shape, and you don’t want to miss your workout just because the weather’s bad…  Go ahead and get that treadmill.  Being in shape is hard work at first, but after a while it becomes a real labour of love.  Exercise feels great once you’re used to it.  Nothing beats the natural high you get from a serious workout.

Compared to driving, walking has some clear advantages.

If you get into a collision while walking you don’t have to hang around and talk to the police.  A simple apology to the person you bumped into is all it takes.

 You can walk almost anywhere.  You can climb steep inclines, slog through muck, ford rivers, and negotiate rough terrain.  You can walk through deep snow and shuffle across ice.  You can walk on wide roads or barely visible pathways.  You can walk indoors and outdoors, climb stairs and ride elevators.  The versatility of this mode of travel is incredible.

You can walk slowly, moseying down the street, pausing to examine flowers and trees, pet dogs, and chat with neighbours.  If you need to go somewhere, you can walk at a more normal pace, but still have the opportunity to notice new things around you.  If you’re looking for exercise, you can walk briskly, working up a sweat and getting a great workout with scenery that’s much more alive than anything you would see on the TV in the gym.

Walking is the easiest exercise you can do, and it’s also rewarding since it gets you out of the house and into the world.  Give it a try.  I think you’ll really like it.

And now, without further fanfare, here’s my list:

1. Bathroom, Hygiene, and Health

   1. Use bath towels more than once. If you find this disgusting, you may want to try using soap.

   2. Don’t shower every day. Your skin will thank you by not flaking off all winter. You can use a washcloth for minor “touch-ups” if you’re not smelling your freshest. (I’m talking about armpits here, people.)

   3. Use handkerchiefs instead of kleenex. 13 hankies is $8 at our local Zeller’s, and they last for decades. If you find hankies (or “snot-lockers”) disgusting, then you haven’t seen the kleenexes most women are carrying around. Hankies are also far nicer on your nose, since kleenexes are made out of wood fibers. Wash white hankies with your whites to keep them looking their best.

   4. Don’t worry so much about germs. Our immune systems will take care of most of the bacteria that the TV commercials tell us are lurking on every surface in our homes. You don’t need anti-bacterial spray, anti bacterial soap, hand-sanitizer, or kitchen wipes.

   5. Shave with a double-edge razor instead of a Mach 3. It takes a bit of practice, but it’s worth learning how to shave with a blade instead of a cartridge. Razor bumps and ingrown hairs virtually disappear once you toss the Mach 3. Oh, and double-edge razor blades are $1.49 for 10 at WalMart, Mach 3 cartridges are $17.00 for an 8-pack. Your wallet and your face will thank you. (or your legs, if you’re not of the face-shaving sex)

   6. Exercise. Get out and walk. You’ll feel better, and people who already feel good don’t need to spend money to feel good. You can give yourself “missions” to execute while you’re out, too. Think about some little item you might need from the grocery store and walk there to get it. If you do this enough, you can actually cut down on the number of full-blown shopping trips you need to take.

   7. Eat properly. Take your vitamins. Get enough calcium. Brush your teeth. See your dentist every year or so. Stay healthy. It’s far cheaper to be healthy in the long run.

2. Food

   1. Eat at home. The kitchen is there for making food, not just microwaving the odd pizza pocket.

   2. Learn to cook. You’ll save thousands of dollars every year and eventually you won’t want to go out to restaurants because the food there isn’t as good as what you make at home!

   3. Make lots of extra food every meal and freeze it in individual portions. Barbecue 20 burgers instead of 4. Cook up the whole box of chicken breasts. Learn how to re-heat meat in your microwave.

   4. Drink tea. It’s cheap, loaded with antioxidants, contains vitamins, and comes in thousands of flavours. If you drink green tea, you can often use the leaves 2 or 3 times, making each cup of tea cost about a penny. How much was that coffee from Tim Horton’s again?

   5. Don’t buy prepared meals. You can make your own for 1/4 of the price. Sometimes even cheaper.

   6. Make your own coffee at home instead of going to the coffee shop. Yes, you can make better coffee at home than they do.

   7. Make your own yogurt. (or try kefir)

   8. Make your own beer. No, Budweiser isn’t a company of magicians. (or even beer makers, actually) Malted barley + hops + water + yeast + time = beer. If you’re not comfortable doing it at home, there are plenty of self-brew places to help. If you’ve tried those and didn’t like the beer, I would suggest that you try a different brew. Don’t expect the beer from these places to taste exactly like the pasteurized mass-market swill you’re used to. You may have to learn to like beer all over again, but I guarantee you that it’s worth it. Don’t be afraid to try new things!

   9. Make your own bread. No, I’m not saying you should go buy a bread machine. Bread is not hard to make from scratch, and it’s MUCH better when you made it yourself. It’s also healthier, since your bread contains only what you put into it. Flour + water + sugar + salt + yeast = bread.

   10. Buy roasts on sale and use a slow-cooker to make your own “prepared meals”. Freeze leftovers in single-serving sizes for later convenience.

   11. Don’t use the freezer on your fridge for keeping any food longer than a couple of days. That freezer doesn’t stay below freezing. Your food will get freezer burn and you won’t eat it, so you’ll be wasting money. Beg, buy, or steal yourself a chest freezer instead – and use it!

   12. Buy milk when it’s on sale and freeze it. The milk will separate during freezing, but once thawed in the fridge for a couple of days you can shake it to redistribute the solids into the whey. Low-fat milk freezes best.

   13. Freeze your bread (slice it first!), whether store-bought or home-made.

   14. Stop buying potato chips. If you really must have these, it’s way cheaper to make your own. Potatoes, a pan of oil, and a potato peeler is all that you need to make your own. Use the potato peeler to make the slices. The skins are fantastic too.

   15. Don’t buy bottled water. If the water in your area is bad, buy water in 5 gallon jugs and refill those at one of those refilling kiosks or at a friend or family member’s house where they have a well. Clean the jugs periodically with a weak bleach and water solution to make sure nothing grows in them, or you can go get new ones by returning the used ones once a year and buying some with water in them.

   16. Plant a garden. If you have the space, growing your own food is cheap and rewarding. Even if you don’t have much room, you can have a few herbs in a pot. Oregano, rosemary, basil, and cilantro are wonderful fresh, and they’ll grow almost anywhere.

   17. Avoid alcohol. It’s a costly indulgence. (Unless you make it yourself, then… uh… it’s just an indulgence.)

   18. Cigarettes are even worse. (Unless you grow your own tobacco, dry it, and roll your own.  They’re still really bad for you, but at least you’ll get them cheaper.)

3. Cleaning

   1. Only rich people need maids or “cleaning services”. You’re not rich, or you wouldn’t be reading this.

   2. Minimize use of paper towels. Dishcloths work great, and you can rinse them out. Worried about the bacteria in your dishcloth? You have options!

      1. Throw it in the wash and get another one out

      2. Rinse it well, squeeze it into a ball, then throw it in your microwave for one minute on high. The temperature of the washcloth will reach well above the level required for pasteurization. Careful when you take it out – it’s hot!

   3. Don’t waste money on disposable dusting cloths. Head to the dollar store and buy a couple of microfibre dusting cloths. They’re re-usable and they hold tons of dust. You can also clean glass with them – no liquid required. Toss them in the wash with your other towels and use them for years.

   4. Skip the air fresheners. They just mask the problem and they aren’t good for you. Here are some other options:

      1. Open a window (if weather permits)

      2. Pot pourri: A few whole cloves in some water on the stove on a low simmer in the winter will humidify and make your house smell great.

      3. Get an air ionizer. A good one will cost you a few bucks, but it will make your house smell fresh and keep the dust down too.

      4. Make cookies. Yummy AND it smells great.

      5. Bake bread. ’nuff said.  (Poet.  Didn’t knowit.)

      6. If the smells are persistent, perhaps you need to clean your carpet or get new sneakers.

   5. Take off your shoes when you’re in the house. This will cut down on a lot of cleaning. You can use slippers for around-the-house if your feet get cold. I was surprised to learn that people didn’t already do this. In Canada we always take off our shoes in the house. Must be something to do with the snow.

4. Cars and Driving

   1. Buy your cars used. Save tens of thousands. If you don’t drive much, you might even be able to get a deal on an SUV, since they’re not selling very quickly these days. If you only drive to the grocery store and to church, the gas price on one of these might not be such a problem for you.

   2. Drive close to the speed limit. Wind resistance is the enemy of fuel economy.

   3. Accelerate slowly. You’ll get there just as fast.

   4. Check your tire pressure periodically. Stop the car first.

   5. Change your oil. $30 worth of car maintenance now can save you thousands later.

   6. Combine trips to save gas.

   7. Ask yourself if you could walk there and back in less than an hour. If so, walk instead of driving. (unless you mean to pick up more groceries than you can reasonably carry)

   8. Sell your extra car(s). If one car sits in the driveway most of the time, sell it. If you could get by with one car instead of two by waiting until the car gets home to go grocery shopping, sell the extra car. Nothing except your house costs more than you car. This will save you thousands per year.

   9. Live closer to work. Easier said than done, but once you figure out how many hours per year your commute costs you and how much gas and car maintenance are, you might even look at taking a pay cut just to avoid those previously unknown costs. If you can live within walking distance, you might be able to get rid of a car, which could save you thousands or tens of thousands of dollars per year.

5. Entertainment

   1. Drop all non-essential TV channels from your cable or satellite subscription. (No, you do not watch all of those channels.)

   2. Don’t use a TV for “background noise”. That’s what radios are for, and they use a lot less power.

   3. Go for walks in the woods or the park, go for bike rides, go to museums, look in the paper for free community events. There are lots of things you can do for free. Every trip out of your house doesn’t have to be to a mall or store.

   4. You do not need surround sound, high definition, or a media room. Save thousands by not buying into the hype. In the end, it’s just a more expensive way to sit on your ass.

   5. Use the library or buy your books at a used book store. The book I just read was $39, according to the dust jacket. I paid nothing because it came from the library.

   6. Rent movies or borrow them from your library. You don’t need a collection of movies. The only time it makes sense to own a movie is when you will watch it so many times that the price of renting it would have been more than the price of buying it. Remember that new movies become old movies eventually, and the rental price drops significantly. Next year you might be able to rent that movie for a whole week for 99¢. Don’t pay $30 for it now.

6. Energy savings

   1. Turn off the lights when you’re not in the room.

   2. Use compact fluorescent bulbs in places where the lights are on a lot. Avoid using them in places where the lights are only used for short periods of time. They just burn out faster when you keep flicking them on and off.

   3. Avoid unnecessary exterior lighting. Your house is not an amusement park, and planes won’t run into it if you don’t light it up.

   4. Turn off the TV when you’re not in the room. Most televisions use hundreds of watts of electricity, so leaving one on is like leaving several lights on.

   5. Turn down the heat. Get a programmable thermostat and program it to only keep the house warm while you’re there. How warm? We keep our house at 68°F (20°C) in the evenings if we’re home, and 64°F (17.7°C) the rest of the time. We use Fahrenheit on our thermostat in order to get finer-grained control over the temperature, since each degree Celsius is 1.8 degrees Fahrenheit. You can turn your thermostat even lower if you spend most of your time in one room by using radiant electric heaters in the room you’re in. (They’re like a mini-electric fireplace, and they’re silent.)

   6. Turn down the air conditioning. In summer, just use the A/C to remove the humidity. Set the A/C to 80°F and use fans.

7. Clothing

   1. Wash your clothes in cold water.

   2. Use a gas dryer. They’re easier on your clothes, so you save money. They’re also cheaper to run than an electric dryer, and there’s no problem running them during peak electrical usage times.

   3. Avoid using bleach on any clothing. Bleach will break down fabric and you’ll have to buy more clothes more often.

   4. Wear your pants two or three days before washing them. (You ARE wearing underwear, right?) Nobody will notice, and you can rotate them to make sure they don’t notice. If all your pants look the same then you don’t have anything to worry about.

   5. Buy a good leather belt. A good belt will last a decade, a bad one will cost slightly less and will last less than a year. A good leather belt should feel soft and pliable, will be made from one solid piece of leather, and will not likely come from a department store. Seek out a real leather store.

   6. $80 jeans don’t fit 4 times as good as $20 jeans.

   7. Buy used clothing where practical. My wife bought a leather winter coat for $20 that looked like it had never been worn. I’d skip the used socks and underwear, though.

8. House

   1. Do your own yard work. It’s good exercise. Only rich people should have gardeners, and you’re not rich or you wouldn’t be reading this. Mow your own lawn, rake your own leaves, plant your own gardens.

   2. Skip the frivolous home-improvement projects. You probably don’t need a new laminate floor in your kitchen or tile in your front hallway. These things might be nice, but they’re expensive and nobody who visits your house really cares. (Yeah, they all act like they care, but they really don’t.)

   3. Don’t ever get a swimming pool. Not even the kiddie kind. Well, the little blowup one for toddlers is OK, but that’s the limit! Pools are very expensive to maintain, and nobody uses them enough to justify the expense. Want to swim? Find a public pool.

   4. Don’t ever buy a hot tub or spa. These energy-hogs are expensive to run and maintain, and hardly anyone uses them enough to justify the expense.

   5. Skip the weed control service. Get an old kitchen knife and cut the dandelions out yourself.

9. Services, Subscriptions, and Memberships

   1. Call your phone company to see if you can get a deal on your phone service.

   2. Call your ISP and see if you can get a deal on your Internet service.

   3. If you call long distance a lot, get SkypeOut or Vonage.

   4. Cancel your cell phone. Unless you spend a lot of time on the road, a cell phone is just a luxury item. Unless you’re an I.T. guy or a heart surgeon, you probably don’t need to take phone calls at the grocery store. If you’re on a contract, call the cell phone provider to find out how much it would cost you to get out of it.  (I stand corrected, courtesy of user itgoesthere on Reddit.  Apparently this tip is not universal.  It may, in fact, be cheaper and/or wiser to cancel your land line.  It depends on how much you’re paying for cellular and how much long-distance calling you do.  Your mileage may vary.)

   5. Drop the gym membership. Chances are you’re not using it anyway. Walk instead. It’s the cheapest exercise and works the largest muscles.

   6. Don’t buy extended warranties.

10. Computers

    1. Turn your computer off when not in use.

    2. Set your computer to go to sleep after ½ hour of inactivity.

    3. Don’t use screensavers. They don’t save your screen, and they use a lot of CPU power.

    4. Don’t buy the biggest and the best. Get the second biggest hard-drive and the second-fastest CPU. The difference in performance is often unnoticeable, but the difference to your wallet is not.

    5. If you’re looking for a computer upgrade, consider getting more RAM. It’s the cheapest bang-for-the-buck upgrade you can do.

    6. Use OpenOffice instead of Microsoft Office. It’s free, and for most people it works just as well.

    7. Get your ink cartridges refilled instead of buying new.

    8. Don’t print photos at home unless you’re sure your total cost per print is cheaper.

11. General

    1. Avoid stores and you’ll avoid buying things.

    2. Learn to separate what you need from what you merely want.

    3. Learn how to not want things. It’s a difficult mental adjustment, but it is certainly possible. A wise man once said that the root of all suffering is desire.

    4. Learn to find happiness in little things. It doesn’t have to be costly to make you happy. A new car will only make you happy temporarily, but will take you years to pay for. An ice cream cone might be a better investment from a happiness perspective. (Everybody loves ice cream cones, right?)

    5. Talk to your spouse or partner about their goals and desires. Reach an understanding about how money is to be spent, and revisit this discussion at least once a month. If you’re both on the same page things will go a lot smoother.

    6. Live within your means. Always. Money coming in should always be more than money going out. If it’s not, fix it immediately. Credit is not money. It works just like money, but you haven’t earned it yet. No matter what you may think you deserve, don’t spend money you haven’t made yet.

    7. You do not deserve anything besides your pay for working hard. If your pay is not enough to buy something, you have not worked hard enough to deserve that thing. It sounds harsh, but sometimes the truth ain’t pretty. Get more pay or buy less things. Don’t get caught up in a sense of entitlement. Don’t listen to commercials.

    8. Stop trying to keep up with your neighbours. Truth be told, they can’t afford it either.

Here’s how I did it:

Early this year, a new phone company had been going door-to-door in our neighbourhood leaving pamphlets and door-hangers advertising their super-duper all-in-one phone service for $19.95. It was a local company, and they had been quite aggressive. In fact, the number of these pamphlets had actually become annoying. Fortunately, this relentless advertising gave me an idea.

I called Bell Canada (my phone company) and told them about this terrific offer I had received, which was essentially the same service Bell offered at less than half the price. I could also, for a reasonable price, get high-speed Internet through the new company over the same phone line, so in theory I could also cancel my Bell Sympatico Internet service if I decided to switch to the new company.

The Bell representative tried to convince me that this new company’s phone service was a “digital service”, and therefore was inferior to what they were providing me. I told them that for the price difference I was willing to suffer with the digitalness. I asked them if there was anything they could do for me to convince me not to switch to the new provider, since I didn’t really feel like going to the trouble of switching over if I didn’t have to.

The gentleman on the line was actually quite helpful once he was given the chance to keep my business. He told me about a package he could set me up with that still let me have my call waiting and visual call display for $33 a month. If I agreed to stick with Bell for 12 months, he would drop the price to $28. The only real downside to this deal was that long distance is 25 cents per minute, but this wasn’t a real problem for me.

I told him that they were virtually guaranteed to never make a dime off of me on long distance at that price, and that I didn’t really care much about the 12 months requirement. We agreed on the new price, and he set it up. The final price came to $31 because apparently there’s no getting out of the incredibly silly $2.80 “Touch-Tone Service” fee or the almost-as-silly $0.19 911 access fee.

Now, about the long distance . . .

I have two other options for long distance. On my computer, I have SkypeOut service, which costs me $3 per month and gives me unlimited long distance in North America and really good rates to everywhere else. I also have a business VoIP service in my home office with Vonage which I can use for long distance if I don’t feel like firing up the computer.

There were a few long distance options I could have selected from with Bell, but that would have just brought up the cost of my phone line. Since I rarely use long distance for non-business purposes, 25 cents a minute is fine with me.

The important lesson here is that you don’t get a price break from the phone company unless you ask. I saved $288 per year by spending 10 minutes on the phone. Ka-ching!

But wait, there’s more. Remember how I said that I could also get high-speed Internet from the other company? Once we were agreed on the phone pricing, I asked him what we could do about the Internet pricing. At the time I was paying $55/month for DSL UltraMega (or whatever they call the really good DSL, I forget). The friendly Bell representative was able to lower it to $45/month, as long as I agreed to a 24 month contract. Another 10 minutes on the phone, another $120 a year in savings.

Net result: $288 + $120 = $408 savings per year.

After tax result: $461 per year.

Every week someone new says this.  What does it really mean?

According to Wikipedia:

The U.S. based National Bureau of Economic Research (NBER) defines a recession more broadly as “a significant decline in economic activity spread across the economy, lasting more than a few months, normally visible in real GDP, real income, employment, industrial production, and wholesale-retail sales.”^[1] A sustained recession may become a depression.

Let me say that in English for you: A recession comes when people stop buying things.  A depression is when they keep not buying things.

There are a few things that are currently making people stop buying things:

1. Groceries have suddenly become more expensive
2. Gas and home heating fuel has suddenly become more expensive
3. People are unable to get or afford any more credit

Until these get better, we’ll be in a recession.  How long do you think that will take?

Now, when I say freezer, I don’t mean the smaller compartment on your fridge.  That’s called a freezer, but it’s only barely a freezer.  The average temperature in there is only just below freezing.  It’s an even worse freezer because almost every refrigerator is “frost free”, meaning that the compartment is heated to a temperature above freezing every so often to melt any ice that may have formed.

So when I say freezer, I am talking about the chest freezer (or the upright) where the temperature is around -20°C. (or “really cold” Fahrenheit)  You can keep things in there forever.  Well, almost forever.

You can freeze almost anything.

Almost everything can be frozen.  There are a few things that don’t thaw gracefully, though.  Fruits and vegetables with high water contents don’t tend to thaw well.  They go mushy, but you can still eat them.  Strawberries are really good from the freezer, but they’re only really good for spreading on bread because their cells have all exploded and they’re kinda mushy.  Tomatoes, ditto. Good on pizza, though.  Lettuce, on the other hand, is not a good thing to freeze.  It will be pretty wilted when you thaw it.  Cheese may become crumbly after freezing, but it’s still good.

There are a number of things that people never think to freeze, but they really should.  Bread, butter, and even milk can be frozen.  Milk will separate when frozen, but you can simply thaw and shake to bring it back to its former glory.

Here are some quick tips for freezing and thawing various food items to help you get started.  Once you know how to freeze something, you can make a lots of it and freeze the leftovers to save yourself cooking time later.

How to Freeze Various Things

Meat: Once you’re done with a roast or a turkey or chicken, separate the leftovers into single-serving sizes and allow to cool until you can handle them.  Wrap the single servings in plastic wrap, then throw all of the single servings into a big freezer bag and put the whole thing in your freezer.

When you want to eat it, take out a serving, unwrap it, put it in a bowl and cover it with a plate.  Put it in the microwave for 2 minutes on high.  I don’t like to heat with plastic wrap, but you can if you like.  When the microwave stops, leave it in there for 2 minutes before taking it out.  This does two things: keeps the moisture in the meat, and allows the heating to finish and even out.  Now remove the plate carefully (steam is hot!) and serve.

Here’s the typical bowl-covered-with-a-plate setup that I use.  Corelle dishes are great.  And yes, I realize these don’t match.

Potatoes: Meat and potatoes work pretty much the same way.  If you have mashed potatoes, you can put single servings into baggies and stack and/or form them before putting them in the freezer.

When you want to eat a serving, open the baggie and put the brick of mashed potatoes into a bowl.  If it doesn’t quite fit (sticking out the top, for instance), then microwave for 1 minute on high, take it out and break it up with a fork/knife/hand.  Once your potatoes all fit into the bowl, add a little tap water (say a tablespoon) and cover the bowl with a plate.  Microwave on high until hot.  For us, it’s usually about 3 minutes total.  Stir about half-way through the cooking in order to make the heating even.  When the cooking is done, don’t lift the plate.  Wait a couple minutes to let the heat even out and the remaining steam be absorbed.  These instructions work for rice, too.  And pasta.  And maybe even turnip, but I don’t like turnip so you’ll have to try it and let me know.

Bread: Bread is easy to freeze.  Take the whole sliced loaf and put it in the freezer.  Make sure it’s on its side for easiest separation later.  If you made the bread yourself, don’t put it in the freezer until at least 8 hours after you make it or you’ll never separate the slices.

When you want a slice or two of bread, carefully bend the slices off.  It takes a bit of practice, but I can do it with 95% of all of the slices I’ve ever tried.  It gets harder near the heel of the loaf, but at that point you might as well just use the rest of the loaf.  The trick is to hold the whole piece of bread (fingers on each side) and gently separate it starting at your thumb side.  With practice, you too can become a frozen bread separation Jedi.

Once you have your bread, pop it in the microwave on high for about 30 seconds for 2 slices, or about 20 seconds for 1.  This is assuming that your bread is about regular size and your microwave is about 1200W.  If your bread or microwave differ, you’ll have to experiment.  Start with less time and work your way up, or you’ll make croutons.

Behold, a bag of frozen marble rye bread. This will keep in your freezer for at least six months:

Cookies: I’ve included cookies because I love home-made cookies.  To freeze them, wait until they cool and they’re no longer very flexible.  If they’re small, just throw them all in a big freezer bag and drop it in the freezer.  If they’re the big flat kind, stack them and lay the stacks on their side in the freezer.  This way they won’t freeze together into one big log.  (if it happens, separate with a butter knife)

To eat, you can do one of two things.  Option 1: Leave them on a plate for a few minutes.  Option 2: Eat them frozen.  I like option 2 for certain types of cookies.  Butter tarts are especially good frozen.  Just watch your teeth.

Corn-on-the-cob: Yes, you can freeze this.  Once cooled to the point where you can handle them, wrap them individually with plastic wrap and stack them in a freezer bag.

To eat, put them into a container that you can cover in the microwave.  Add some water to the container (just enough to cover the bottom of the container) and nuke for about 2 minutes for 1 cob.  It’s probably about 3 minutes for 2 cobs, but cob size and microwave power will vary.  Once the microwave stops, leave the cobs in the container for a couple of minutes so the steam can finish its job.

If you don’t think plastic wrap is bad for you, you can pop the cob in the radiation box without even unwrapping it.  You still have to wait for a couple minutes before unwrapping, but this works really well.  (I don’t do this anymore since we’ve been buying the cheap plastic wrap that doesn’t seem to stay as firm in the microwave.)

Hamburger patties, sausages, barbecued wieners: Like meat, only it’s already in single-serving sizes!  (read that however you like)  Barbecue the burgers/sausages/weenies and put them on a cookie sheet and pop them into the freezer.  A few hours later (or whenever), take them out and throw them all in a big freezer bag.  Do these steps and they won’t freeze together.  All bets are off if you’re using the freezer above your fridge though.  Don’t do that.  You shouldn’t keep anything in there except ice cream.

To reheat the burgers/sausages/nitrate-sticks, follow the meat instructions above.

For your viewing pleasure, here’s what a bag of frozen beef patties looks like:

Try It Now

So tonight (or any night after you get your new freezer) when you’re making dinner, make extra!  If you’re cooking for 2, cook instead for 6 or 8.  The extra meals will be really welcome on those nights when you don’t feel like cooking.  Just imagine roast beef, mashed potatoes, veggies and gravy all in 20 minutes out of the freezer!  (really - go get a freezer now if you haven’t already)  We do this all the time, and you can too.  It’s really easy.  (if you have a freezer)

Enjoy!